April 1st

As the world celebrates April’s fools’ day, I set and contemplate how that day in 2005 got forever changed for me.

It will always remind me of the first time I lost a friend. Samer died this day last year. The hunk, very handsome sexy guy who lost his life a year ago. Yes it was tough. A very tough experience I don’t wish to anyone.

Death is weird, it’s hard to comprehend when you are used to not seeing the person for long periods of time, that’s what I felt years after my grandmother Um Husam died in 1996, and after my dear lovely aunt died in 2000. I miss them all, as if I haven’t seen them for a while. I don’t think I can ever comprehend the fact that I will not see them again.

As I have been browsing the contacts list on my mobile in Amman a couple of months ago, searching for I don’t know what. I saw the entry. I got startled. I froze. Samer Bakri. It felt so weird, and yes I couldn’t get my self to delete it. As if keeping his mobile number on my mobile address book will forever make me remember him. I am weird like that.

Samer was funny and sarcastic as far as anyone would go. Yet very courageous, that kind of courage that is very hard to attain these days; as the disease of conformity is continuously spreading through the streets of Amman. He was different and made sure everyone knew he was different. He was as out as a gay man as anyone would reach in Amman. Confident and out there to stunt people on the streets, restaurants, cafe’s and bars. I will always admire his courage, to live it out to be whole and to be true to your self.

His trip though short in calendar days; yet if when I look closer, I see it rich in many experiences and in exposure than the average Jordanian, Arab or Human.

I hope Samer found love, found comfort and was content before he left us. Yet as sarcastic as I know him, he might not.

This is to say, I loved him, remember him and I miss him in my own little way

Razan Khatib

Razan Khatib

Playing at the intersection of culture, technology, and values. Trying to structure my thoughts and share experiences, learnings, and insights. Co-founder of @spring_apps
Amman, Jordan